I was angry at God tonight…but then I woke up again.

I am dead tired tonight. I don’t know about you, but I am feeling an increase in how wrong things are in society. Whoever made us humans work more time in our lives than play? I work 5 days a week, with only the weekends off…and some people even have to work over the weekends! I feel so sorry for them when I hear this. I know how much my body craves to just feel FREE for a few days at a time.
I am not complaining just to complain. I wanted to share a deep experience I just had. I actually got mad at God and cried in the bathroom just awhile ago. For a few days now I have neglected thanking or praying to God..interestingly enough I stopped blogging too, so I shut down emotionally for a few days. That had never happened before to me where I was angry at God. It doesn’t mean I lost any faith, it just means that I have found less meaning in the “lessons” of the struggles and trials of life, rather than the actual pain and suffering in life.
My feet ache. My body is tired. The house is a mess and I don’t even have time except for the weekends to do anything about it. I don’t even have kids yet, and I don’t know how parents do it all. Maybe I am just having a hard time with management of my time. But I am exhausted and as I cried to God I felt better…I am glad I told Him that I am angry. I am saddened by how much this life feels a little like hell and punishment at times.
Were humans really that bad? I started to think deeply about this on the bathroom floor and a thought popped into my head, one word actually. Capitalists. People say never to blame others like this, but I think it is to pacify us. I never really thought of this before, but SOMEONE started the 7 day work week. SOMEONE allowed stores to stay open ALL the time and not allow a restful day from commerce. SOMEONE got greedy and shifted our need for money over God. I mean, I seriously am always stressed about money and having enough, yet..I also get a strange pleasure being a consumer because consumerism has a way of making things look so beautiful for living a tiring life. It’s a tough “rat race”  and when I really sat down and thought about it, I realized it is NOT God’s fault at all and my anger is misdirected. I am not the only one, google: “capitalists destroying world”, and see what happens.
Here is an interesting article on the decline of society if we keep heading this way: http://www.marketwatch.com/story/capitalism-is-killing-our-morals-our-future-2013-04-27
We humans will one day have to start creating a new and improved life for all. I know I am not alone in my exhaustion. I see it in my fellow beings faces as they shuffle slowly back home or quickly, after work. We are tired and sick of working so much to enjoy life. If you ever ride the public transportation, it is the most depressing sight ever coming home from rush hour on a week day. Everyone just wants to get HOME and rest. I await the day we decide together as a group to stop this obsession over money and start to really focus on what is important for all.
I don’t know…maybe I have to do this within my own life first and not worry about the world, but I am caught in a cycle of having to work to pay the bills, and then trying to escape from reality a bit with beautiful surroundings and things…I feel like I am caught up in a dream..and it really is about money. I have no need for the power of it, but I long for the escape from my reality it brings me.
I realized on the cold bathroom floor as I poured my heart out to God, that we have really evil people in the world and they have made money our “god”, instead of creation and expression of Life itself as “Allah”. God helped me through this and I want others to know that if we are in a midst of some sort of cosmic realization, I feel it too and they are not alone.
I am not mad at God anymore after expressing my anger…I am mad at the men playing gods of this earth and ruling over others. May God help me with this anger too…now excuse me, I need to go soak my aching body in the bathtub…
Is it possible in the future to live more efficiently and spend more time enjoying LIFE?, that is my question and I hope I can be part of this change for all the aching bodies in the world.
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