Something the Quran leaves out (as well as other holy books) in order to allow humans to discover for themselves is the higher purpose behind love and romance. Of course, “seeding” the next generation is important for our species’s survival, but something this movie touched on is far more important to the soul than just reproduction.
I truly believe that engaging in love fully and willingly with another being is a form of redemption for humans and why God allows such relationships to take place. This is usually the subject of many romance movies if you look closely. It is far more than just emotions or expressions of the heart, it is about spiritual revival or redemption of the soul in which love allows for the uniting of the divine to take place.
In the beautiful movie The Painted Veil, found on Netflix right now, you see this theme revolve around two people’s lives. It is a touching movie about betrayal, pride, forgiveness, vulnerability, honesty and redemption all within one relationship. As I sat watching it the formula for true love stuck out like a word out of a crossword puzzle. I would like to share it with you in order to help someone else experience true love. This formula has always worked and is working in my life at this very moment transforming me into the person I would hope to become through struggles and revelations.
I will give warning in order to expose this love formula, I need to give away some of the plot. It still won’t take away too much from the movie, so I highly suggest to watch it if you are interested in a deep, moving drama. Let me just say that the main character named Kitty was a ordinary, spoiled, young woman who had a lack of direction and has not discovered much about herself nor the world. She meets a man who is the opposite of her, he has total focus as a doctor during the Cholera epidemic in Asia during the “roaring” 20s in America. At first their differences drive a deep wedge between them, causing isolation in both of them for their first period of marriage.
Only when, Kitty starts to realize that the goodness of the doctor is what she should love about him beyond trivial things, does she start to open up in multitude of ways. Her seeing this doctor unselfishly help others, leads her to her own self realization that she too wishes to help others and feel as if she is doing something for others. As she discovers this hidden or repressed part of herself freed to help the orphans she volunteers for, she starts to truly fall in love with the man who helped unleash this within her. When the doctor sees that she recognizes this within herself, he starts to have renewed feelings of love for her, discovering she was the woman he has always loved.
It is not just a trite saying to say that someone “completes” another. There is truth to this statement. The love formula for completion is this:
a person lacking a positive quality or repressed a certain positive quality will attract a person with that quality in order to bring that quality to surface and help fulfill one’s soul purpose or self realization.
There are two vague outcomes to this formula which does not have a clear “sum” or “answer” and this can be experienced in infinite ways:
A. The person will not be ready to reveal this underlying quality within and will run from it, and relationship will terminate till appropriate time of self growth.
Sometimes this is the relationship that will NOT go away, the ex you keep running into or going back to. There is unfinished business here, and God will keep showing you this.
B. The person will take a leap of faith and embrace the change happening within after they meet this person and this in turn creates a powerful deep connection.
Because this leap of faith is courageous and brave allowing the vulnerability and trust in a person with your heart, the trust in the divine is also shown as well when you open up to a quality you haven’t before.
There is no saying whether this connection lasts a lifetime, or a few weeks, but this formula will produce a relationship never forgotten and will change you forever. An even bigger picture than falling and experiencing love, is the idea that YOU transform into a person ready for the next stage of self discovery.
I will refrain from giving too much personal details about my romance, but during the time of planning the wedding, my boyfriend and I are going through our own transformation. We are both learning how to not be selfish and fearful of the unknown. We are taking that leap of faith. I would say that my boyfriend has qualities that I lack and vice versa. At first when you come up across them, you may think negatively about them, but given time and maturity levels, you start to understand the importance of this quality in your life.
Many single people want to find love and they buy books, date, CDs, speak to coaches…I know I used to be one of them. But I have discovered that when the student is ready, the teacher will show up in your life. That teacher is this other person you find yourself entangled in a relationship with. That person will show you what most you lack in your life right now and what you need to learn to move onto your next level of consciousness and awareness. If I knew what I know now about this, I could have saved myself some major embarrassment of attachment and grief over loss.
So I offer this advice for anyone looking for love right now. Do not look for love from another person. Look for the love from the divine, Allah/God, work you do and involve yourself in, deeds you do, life you lead, and when you are ready to embrace the challenge of deep self discovery, love will come into your life. It will first show you who you are not, and that may hurt, but the most exhilarating part is after the pain of feeling the vulnerability to the ego, you will discover who you were always before you repressed parts of yourself. This in turn will lead you to your spiritual rebirth discovering these illuminating qualities within yourself, leading to self love, and then giving back to others more freely.