Mosques Really Need More Unity

My dear Muslims, Rumi would be so sad today…to see so much separation.

Islam really is a beautiful religion, but the traditions are outdated in many ways.

I went to a mosque the other day for my father in law to pray as it is part of the services of funerals. I expected it to be a beautiful experience.

But unfortunately it was not. I understand why they separate women and men, while bending down on the ground praying, almost doing sun salutations.

But as someone with a unity consciousness it was very hard for me to be there. In both mosques I went to that day, women were high up above men in a totally separate balcony behind a glass box or railing.

Women were not part of the sermon at all it seemed, we were so far away. Men shook hands down below and even hugged being very close to the imam. Women were forced to be with one another only and it was not the same feeling as the men for some reason. No handshakes or happy brotherly hugs.

How sad. My husband was down below me on the ground and I could not even be with him praying with him as husband and wife, as it is done in the Christian churches.

I am sorry to say, but that has got to end. It’s too separating for those who do not hold a perverted thought in their mind. It does make women feel like second class citizens.

I know in my heart the makers of the mosque thought it would be good for women to have a separate experience than men and to talk to one another only providing privacy, but it really does take the Unity out of the religion and makes it about sex and gender.

It’s very sad to see. I hope for the future of Islam, and all religions for that manner, that old customs and traditions will fall away and all that is left is some of the beautiful teachings.

Why I Am Against the Full Burqa Veil As A Muslim

Quran 2:7 Allah has set a seal upon their hearts and upon their hearing, and over their vision is a veil. And for them is a great punishment.

In the Quran, the word “veil” is symbolic for ignorance and darkness. Wearing a full black dark veil covering the “vision” to me symbolizes this very nature of being in the dark and ignorant of the unity and higher spiritual wisdom given in the Quran.

Many of these women wearing the full veil, may not themselves be ignorant and actually be very spiritual, but to have a full black veil on is to be a walking example of the “veil” Allah will put over people as a symbolism for their denial of the truth, and so they remain in darkness until their realizations.

I understand it is part of the custom and traditions of a particular muslim country, mostly in Saudi Arabia, or Iran you will see this form of dress, but it is not the normal look for Muslim women and it was not always part of tradition, but came about later on in a political change to a more austere form of governance and spiritual control of the people.

I really truly hope, these woman and men who support the black veil actually reflects on the usage of “veil” in the Quran to have deep spiritual significance to ignorance and spiritual darkness.

The Niqab is a bit different in that it shows a bit of the eyes, but the Burqa fully covers the face as a veil over the vision…as the Quran warns about.

Why would anyone feel this gets them closer to God, when Allah in the Quran speaks of the veil as needing to be removed in order to have Clear Sight of the Signs and messages for Life itself?



The OA: How It Connects All Religions.

I just finished the most amazing Netflix series called the OA. You can say it affirmed my belief we are entering into a new paradigm shift or have been in one now, for those who are aware of it. While watching it, I realized that it had several religious components all in one series:

Christianity: Had one of the characters sacrificed for the others, kept in the cage to try to escape, and he was laying down in a way Jesus was said to lie down on the cross with his hands and feet placed in the way of the crucifixion.

Judaism & Islam: In Judaism it is said to have a well of souls that is used to give birth to souls and then they come to earth. When the well has no more souls, that is when the Last Day for mankind is. When the OA comes back to the Well of souls, she is then in a space that is filled of galaxies greeted by an Angel who speaks Arabic. We see this as galaxies to denote that Allah is known as Lord of the Worlds, so there are multi universes, and we also see an Angel speaking Arabic, named Khatun, which is Turkish meaning “noble woman”.

Buddhism: The premise of having compassion for all beings, even the evil ones is where the dance comes from. The movements are showing a move towards compassion towards those who are asleep spiritually and do evil to others. Buddhist believe that peace towards others, is the act of being water putting out the fire.

And then there are a few nods to other ancient spiritual paths,  the Slavic god of the Underworld is the wolf that appears on the hoodies of the two angels, and even the religious rites of the ancient people which is why the dance is very tribal like and early human like.

This show brings all paths together under a very important premise: We all can choose to be angels in the moments needed, specifically when we need to save someone we see in pain or about to do evil. She is the OA “Original Angel”, but she is not the only one. She travels to dimension after dimension opening hearts and minds, to show the angelic selfless nature that they too can possess. They become copies of her, as she is the original, she turns them into angels that then do heroic deeds and stop great evil from happening.

In Islam, the moral integrity is high. Allah expects much out of humans, enough goodness where a person is full of pure intentions towards others. This is the only way that the gates of Heaven open up for a soul and the angels welcome them. It does not matter how many mistakes you make and ask for forgiveness, you just have to be awakened and conscious as a person to always have the best intentions carried in your heart for others. Allah will SEE that.

We see this through the different characters. Steve is a troubled teen that is violent and lashes out angrily in the world when he feels rejected or hurt. And the OA teaches the audience, Steve’s teacher and Steve, that all he needed was for someone to believe in his “invisible self”. His inner goodness is his invisible self, his true nature that gets hurt and hurts back in defense. His visible self is what he chooses to show the world. This very much is a subject of Ego vs. the Authentic Soul.

I loved this show, because I am someone who believes as a muslim, since we all come ONE source of Creation, we are all parts of this creation and are connected in ways we can not see. I also believe that love, beauty, and truth will always defeat the evil in the world. The dance opened not only higher dimensions, but it was used to open up hearts and minds fostering higher dimension of thought. Watch the terrorist’s eyes at the end, how mesmerized he is by the beauty of the selfless act of this dance.

I studied this amazing last scene and figured out the dance is five steps to a new dimension as a group because each move is a stage of awareness that we as a people need to have in order to stop any evil in the world and move forwards:

1st move: There is evil, I see your evil…I attack or defend back.

2nd move: There is evil in you because of your pain.

3rd move: I am aware of your pain, I feel it too. Let me help. Let me take it away.

4th move: I am aware of my strength to protect others as well as you and I will as an Angel.

5th move. I send forth love and light to bring free your chains of darkness, open your heart and mind to stop the evil, and open a new path of opportunity for joy to you. I SEE you.

Sounds like these steps can take earth into a new paradigm of peace and understanding as the Quran was constantly trying to usher into humanity. But the interpretations became messed up and ego got in the way, instead of authentic souls trying to bring people together.

The message of this show is:

Even though we are individual souls on a journey, we are all in this world together. When we open our hearts and minds to one another, we remember this and our “wings” of joy can carry us into higher life experiences together. We then create peace, not war, which is more authentic to who we are. Which is what all religions and the Angels have tried to guide us towards. 

The last scene sent chills of splendor and happiness down my spine. If you like pure spiritual beauty and experiencing it, I highly recommend this show.



Why Did I Become a Muslim.

Perhaps this is only information for me to keep to myself. But seeing the way the world is the way it is, I feel it is our intentions on revealing the truth that will lead us out of the lies and illusions of this world.

Many times I ask myself deeply, why do I even label myself as a muslim?  I after all, am not ethnically from this region of the Middle East, Africa, or Asia where Islam spread to originally. I am as Northern European as one can get with Celtic druids in my ancestry.

So, WHY am I a muslim today? Because it simply means “submitter to God, or servant”. A long time ago when I learned who Jesus was and his immense character and sense of morality, I made it my point to become like him. As best as I can. Jesus was on another level as an advanced soul who awakened to his duty. I am just…well, me.

However, I am on the Light side of reality and truth. I made my choice to be in service to others, not just myself. I fight for freedom and justice through my words. I would never don a sword, since I am a little petite thing. But my soul is a warrior soul, nobody can take my sense of freedom or spirit away from deep inside, and I stick up for others who need help. I chose a long time ago to be on the right side of truth, beauty, freedom, peace, and love. I work hard to promote unity and peace, and good will towards others. I am not Jesus nor anyone like him, but I am a good soul that made a choice a long time ago to be in service to others.

Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, I have existed only to help myself and others evolve to a place of more peaceful ways. Now-that being my history of what I have done with my life. Now you can get a clearer understanding of who I am as a person, and why I may see Islam this way. It is because I choose the path of Light, not Darkness. And everything I see has a potential for goodness since it comes from the Source of God, which is good to me.

Some have called me a “goody two shoes” when I was younger. I was innocent and naive about the world around me. My dad lovingly told me I float above earth with my head in the clouds and not on the ground. How right he is. Because to me, above earth is closer to God and I have always wanted that. I will do anything in my power to help others and end their sufferings.

Back to the meaning of being a muslim:

Quran 3:52 But when Jesus felt [persistence in] disbelief from them, he said, “Who are my supporters for [the cause of] Allah ?” The disciples said,” We are supporters for Allah . We have believed in Allah and testify that we are Muslims [submitting to Him].

Here we can see that Jesus who also was a submitter to God (otherwise known as Allah throughout the Quran, which means singular version of Creator), is asking those around him who believes in all he says about God. The disciples or men who followed to learn his ways said they are “muslims” because they too submit  to giving up their base human desires, like Jesus did.

In arabic the meaning of “muslim” is a group of words. It is not a religion. It is not a separate select set of people.  It is the umbrella term for anyone who is GOOD and wishes to do GOOD towards others and who will experience Heaven.

Here Moses said….

Quran 10: 90 And We took the Children of Israel across the sea, and Pharaoh and his soldiers pursued them in tyranny and enmity until, when drowning overtook him, he said, “I believe that there is no deity except that in whom the Children of Israel believe, and I am of the Muslims.”

So do you see? Jews too can be “muslim” because they are submitters to God. To me it is ONE beautiful term to call myself, that isn’t a group of words such as “servant to God”. This word servant has a bad meaning attached to it, and so does the word “God”. Therefore to me, a muslim is a general term of a specific person who chooses a certain path towards being good towards others, as well as the self.

So yes, I am a muslim. Islam is not a religion originally, it was supposed to be  a way of life and how you carried yourself with integrity and modesty, for ALL mankind. Too bad all things have a potential to become manipulated in the wrong hands and today “muslim” holds other strange and alien meanings.

The other reason, why I chose Islam as my path towards truth is because I followed the “white rabbit” down the hole into the dark history of our country and desires for money and resources-or at the very least to remain on top.

After 9/11, I was a blank slate in my understanding of the wars in the Middle East, but as soon as I heard George Bush say ,” they hate us for our freedom”, this is where a red flag went up in my mind. As I have always been interested in world religions, I bought a Quran, and you know what I found out?

God’s guidance in the Quran to Muhammad is for humans to be free and un-oppressed in spirit and physicality! So how in the world could Muslim truly hate others for their freedom when freedom is the basis of our human rights given to us?!

Muhammad is instructed in fact to build an army to ward off and defend against those warring people that wish to take away the freedom of others and control them.

I have always been a truth seeker, and have an acute intuition when lies are being told by those in charge. After I discovered that so many lies about the Quran are pushed in the media, it made me see the Quran as the truth desperately trying to scream out to humans.

And I heard it’s call.

Now. Let’s be clear. The Quran is written in 600 AD and much is about the laws, customs, and events of that time.  But the universal truths found inside the Quran as in:

2:11o And be steadfast in prayer and regular in charity: And whatever good ye send forth for your souls before you, ye shall find it with Allah: for Allah sees Well all that ye do.

2:115 To Allah belong the east and the West: Whithersoever ye turn, there is the presence of Allah. For Allah is all-Pervading, all-Knowing.

2:148 To each is a goal to which Allah turns him; then strive together (as in a race) Towards all that is good. Wheresoever ye are, Allah will bring you Together. For Allah Hath power over all things.

2:164 Behold! in the creation of the heavens and the earth; in the alternation of the night and the day; in the sailing of the ships through the ocean for the profit of mankind; in the rain which Allah Sends down from the skies, and the life which He gives therewith to an earth that is dead; in the beasts of all kinds that He scatters through the earth; in the change of the winds, and the clouds which they Trail like their slaves between the sky and the earth;- (Here) indeed are Signs for a people that are wise.

2:177 It is not righteousness that ye turn your faces Towards east or West; but it is righteousness- to believe in Allah and the Last Day, and the Angels, and the Book, and the Messengers; to spend of your substance, out of love for Him, for your kin, for orphans, for the needy, for the wayfarer, for those who ask, and for the ransom of slaves; to be steadfast in prayer, and practice regular charity; to fulfil the contracts which ye have made; and to be firm and patient, in pain (or suffering) and adversity, and throughout all periods of panic. Such are the people of truth, the Allah-fearing.

2:179 In the Law of Equality there is (saving of) Life to you, o ye men of understanding; that ye may restrain yourselves.

2:190 Fight in the cause of Allah those who fight you, but do not transgress limits; for Allah loveth not transgressors.

2:212 The life of this world is alluring to those who reject faith, and they scoff at those who believe. But the righteous will be above them on the Day of Resurrection; for Allah bestows His abundance without measure on whom He will.

3:103 And hold fast, all together, by the rope which Allah (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude Allah’s favour on you; for ye were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace, ye became brethren; and ye were on the brink of the pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus doth Allah make His Signs clear to you: That ye may be guided.

3:134 Those who spend (freely), whether in prosperity, or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men;- for Allah loves those who do good.

5:13But because of their breach of their covenant, We cursed them, and made their hearts grow hard; they change the words from their (right) places and forget a good part of the message that was sent them, nor wilt thou cease to find them- barring a few – ever bent on (new) deceits: but forgive them, and overlook (their misdeeds): for Allah loveth those who are kind.

5:42..If thou judge, judge in equity between them. For Allah loveth those who judge in equity.

7:189 It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her (in love). When they are united, she bears a light burden and carries it about (unnoticed). When she grows heavy, they both pray to Allah their Lord, (saying): “If Thou givest us a goodly child, we vow we shall (ever) be grateful.”

11:90 Shuiab said “But ask forgiveness of your Lord, and turn unto Him (in repentance): For my Lord is indeed full of mercy and loving-kindness.”

19:96 On those who believe and work deeds of righteousness, will (Allah) Most Gracious bestow love.

50:7-8 And the earth- We have spread it out, and set thereon mountains standing firm, and produced therein every kind of beautiful growth (in pairs)-To be observed and commemorated by every devotee turning (to Allah).

89:24-30 He will say: “Ah! Would that I had sent forth (good deeds) for (this) my (Future) Life!” For, that Day, His Chastisement will be such as none (else) can inflict, And His bonds will be such as none (other) can bind. (To the righteous soul will be said:) “O (thou) soul, in (complete) rest and satisfaction! “Come back thou to thy Lord,- well pleased (thyself), and well-pleasing unto Him! “Enter thou, then, among My devotees! “Yea, enter thou My Heaven!

2:62 Indeed, those who believed and those who were Jews or Christians or Sabeans [before Prophet Muhammad] – those [among them] who believed in Allah and the Last Day and did righteousness – will have their reward with their Lord, and no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve.

6:61 And He is the subjugator over His servants, and He sends over you guardian-angels until, when death comes to one of you, Our messengers take him, and they do not fail [in their duties].

16:32 The ones whom the angels take in death, [being] good and pure; [the angels] will say, “Peace be upon you. Enter Paradise for what you used to do.”

16:49 And to Allah prostrates whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth of creatures, and the angels[as well], and they are not arrogant.

25:25 And [mention] the Day when the heaven will split open with [emerging] clouds, and the angels will be sent down in successive descent.

75:22-23 Some faces, that Day, will beam in brightness and beauty…Looking at their Lord.

33:43 It is He who confers blessing upon you, and His angels, that He may bring you out from darknesses into the light. And ever is He, to the believers, Merciful.

2:25 And give good tidings to those who believe and do righteous deeds that they will have gardens [in Paradise] beneath which rivers flow. Whenever they are provided with a provision of fruit therefrom, they will say, “This is what we were provided with before.” And it is given to them in likeness. And they will have therein purified companions, and they will abide therein eternally.

18:31 As for such, theirs will be Gardens of Eden, wherein rivers flow beneath them; therein they will be given armlets of gold and will wear green robes of finest silk and gold embroidery, reclining upon throne therein. Blest the reward, and fair the resting-place!

109:6 Say, “For you is your religion, and for me is my religion.”

5:119 Allah will say, “This is the Day when the truthful will benefit from their truthfulness.” For them are gardens [in Paradise] beneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide forever, Allah being pleased with them, and they with Him. That is the great attainment.

21:104 The Day when We will fold the heaven like the folding of a [written] sheet for the records. As We began the first creation, We will repeat it. [That is] a promise binding upon Us. Indeed, We will do it.


All of those universal truths of being good and receiving a good reality here and the hereafter, in combination with the lies of the media is what made me search further for the truth.

Because of Quran verse 2:62:

Indeed, those who believed and those who were Jews or Christians or Sabeans [before Prophet Muhammad] – those [among them] who believed in Allah and the Last Day and did righteousness – will have their reward with their Lord, and no fear will there be concerning them, nor will they grieve.

I do see us all having different names or definitions to call ourselves regarding the language and upbringing. You can be a Christian, you can be a Jew. You can be a Hindu. You can be a Buddhist. You can even be an agnostic. Although, I am aware of good and kind atheists, the very nature of denying God’s earlier messages and calling them fairytales-don’t truly help others, except throwing us further into separation and confusion.

What you can not be in order to be a muslim, is a rebel to God and a spreader of destruction and chaos on earth. Those people are in service to altogether another force alienated from God-Satan.

Whether I am a servant to God, a student of Buddha’s, a disciple of Jesus, or a helper of Krishna on earth, my ego is all doing one thing:

Being in submission to Good and this, my friends, is why I took in the beautiful arabic word, “muslim”. In serving others, you ultimately serve God.



Islam and The Little Prince Connection

Netflix finally released the brand new Little Prince movie! And I finally watched it tonight. I was so emotional as this particular version of the Little Prince was to go beyond the book and discuss the deeper spiritual understandings embedded inside. One of the greatest reasons, I found islam to be my personal path is the constant reminder in the Quran about SEEING with the heart instead of being blind in the mind. Or in lesser poetic terms-closed off emotionally and spiritually.

Of course the Quran was never speaking about physical blindness, but it is the blindness within that keeps people from obtaining “Jannah” in this world, and in the next.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Quran 2:18

Deaf, dumb and blind – so they will not return.

Quran 13:9

Then is he who knows that what has been revealed to you from your Lord is the truth like one who is blind? They will only be reminded who are people of understanding –

Just as the Little Prince teaches the Pilot about how to see the world with his heart, and not just with his closed mind, Allah also teaches His creations.

Another connection to Islam that The Little Prince carries is the idea of the transcendent soul. It is very clear that the Little Prince is talking about death as the way to release himself from the attachments to earth in order to get back to his original state.

This is connecting the Garden of Eden to our original state of being. The innocence we have had before our knowledge of good and bad. We are in essence making our own journeys back to this garden, where waters flow and sweet nectar is given. Where we are surrounded by other pure souls who become our soul companions for as long as we desire their company and friendship. The small planet that the Little Prince came from and was going back to is about his remembrance of his simple pleasure in life, and the innocence of being present in the moment. He was in bliss, until the vain flower caused him to run in search of himself. In one way this rose represents the ego, that we all eventually detach ourselves from once we transcend into a state of higher understandings.

The Quran teaches mankind, that once a person sheds their ego, they no longer are attached to this world, and can enter the gates of Heaven….the Gardens we originate from. This is why giving the shirt off your back in charity, and helping one another materially and emotionally is so important in the Quran. When you help others find happiness, you detach from your own attachments and in turn find your own happiness within.

Quran 9:72

Allah has promised to the believers -men and women, – Gardens under which rivers flow to dwell therein forever, and beautiful mansions in Gardens of ‘Adn (EdenParadise). But the greatest bliss is the Good Pleasure of Allah. That is the supreme success.

Quran 19:61

Gardens of Eden, which the Beneficent hath promised to His slaves in the unseen. Lo! His promise is ever sure of fulfilment –


Another lesson in the Little Prince that correlates to what Gabriel was showing Muhammad to teach others, was the idea of death as a transition. It is never the end. The Little Prince teaches the pilot this, as he chooses to drop the weight of his “shell” which is the bodily form, in order to go back to the asteroid he once came from. Like humans, we drop our shells, when Allah decides it is time for our journey to end, and we transition into the next state. We are very much alive, as much as the Little Prince is laughing amongst the stars.

Quran 2:154

And do not say about those who are killed in the way of Allah , “They are dead.” Rather, they are alive, but you perceive [it] not.

Quran 19: 15

And peace be upon him the day he was born and the day he dies and the day he is raised alive.

Quran 19: 66

And the disbeliever says, “When I have died, am I going to be brought forth alive?”

Quran 79: 14

When, behold, they find themselves over the earth alive after their death

The Quran is a road map back home. It is not the only one. Allah provides wisdom to those who seek it and believe in the beyond. But the Quran is a clear Sign book created to reach those of Understanding and who are not yet blind within the heart. I am one of those Muslims, and am happy to say I did not allow the worldly perspective blind my heart from the spiritual knowledge given to me through the Quran, and possibly through other forms of help.

The Little Prince is one of the best selling books in the whole world, it has been written in almost every language. NASA named an asteroid after the asteroid the Little Prince lived on in the book, called B612. There is some deep spiritual truths hidden within this children’s tale because as Allah shows time and time again, humans learn best through hearing stories, and passing them down.

The movie was really beautiful. If you liked the book, I highly recommend. It is a bit different, but the destination is the same. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, and let it open your heart even more.





Veronika Decides to Die: Be Patient With God…

Just finished watching this movie based on the book by Paulo Coleho, after years of reading the book during a time of my own turmoil and suicidal thoughts. The book didn’t seep in as much as the movie, possibly cause I am a visual person, but also because I wasn’t ready to take in the message as I am now in a healthier state of mind.

I am much like Veronika’s character, a young professional woman who yearns for more out of life, that sometimes day to day routine fails to give or people are willing to give each other. At one point about 9 years ago, I too wrote a suicide note to friends and family, and drew a warm bath. I was planning on using a razor, cause I am afraid of pain, and thought this would be the best way. But before I could even step in, I felt something was wrong and decided to call a friend to take me to the hospital. I believe it was over a boy who played with my emotions, but it just seemed that it was an accumulation of losing a mother, having a strange relationship with my dad, and being somewhat of a dramatic fantasy lover wondering what more to life there was. It is all a mix of that that caused me to even go down this route.

Once, I got to the ER, it was a mixture of confusion and relief. I told them I wanted to die. They took my shoelaces, and all things considered sharp before admitting me to a bed in the psych ward. It took a few hours to get a bed, so I actually ended up staying up all night trying to get some sleep on the hard examination bed before they admitted me upstairs, several hours later.

Everything from here on was a blur. I was rooming with a girl who seemed to hear voices and talk back to them in different voices. I also observed a scene much like the movies, with an old black man in the corner of the seating area tearing up the phone books into tiny pieces making a huge mess, and a little old lady with silver hair screaming to no end until she got the nurses to her aid.

The treatment I had was a room for three days, and classes to discuss my issues at heart. I think I impressed my counselor by showing a willingness to get the heck out of there as fast as I could. My drawings were positive and I always tried to show optimism. At this point, being around other people gave me an unique perspective what it truly means to be considered “unfit” by society to live on your own. I came in there with one perspective, and left with another.

One of the girls was a serious alcoholic that took to the bottle to numb her pain. Every time the doctor would ask about goals, dreams, and visions for ourselves, she would reply with a snide smile with the idea she wanted to drink herself into a stupor and jump out of the window. I remember her keenly, and remember my “higher self” looking down at the situation as if to say, ” why are you doing this to yourself?”. “What is the point?” I asked myself in my mind. I often times asked myself this too.

Finally after three days, not the five that I was first considered for, I spoke to the head of the psych ward. I wanted answers to why I felt the way I did, I remember coming away with a great secret I feel he gave me. We really talked as patient and doctor, and when I asked for prescription drugs, or other means to never have to come back, he simply gave me the secret I needed to hear.

Some may not agree with this, and what I am about to say. But I swear to you, this came from the head of a reputable psych ward straight to me to let know a secret of the universe, or at least living well. I asked him about the measurement of my brain chemicals and what was going on to cause this imbalance. He simply looked at me earnestly like the father I always wanted in my life, and told me there is no such thing.

Huh? I know the medical field is divided on this. But on a spiritual level, I understand completely what he meant. God doesn’t make one person crazy with an imbalance and another sane without one. The brain is designed to hold and observe information around us. We are constantly altering the reality around us with choices we make. There is no proof, he said, to show there is any brain chemical imbalance in people. He told me it was all based on imbalance of emotion. He literally sat across from me refusing me medication of any sort, saying that only when I work out my emotions will I start to be more in control of my life. He then labeled me as “situational depressive disorder”. I asked him what this meant and he said, that’s when someone experiences trauma sometimes they don’t know how to cope emotionally, be it the way you were raised to deal with emotions or just by making odd choices to deal with them. He next set me up with a consoler to see weekly and check in with.

So here I am, in my late 20s given this perspective as I floated out of the ward back into a car  my friend drove me there in. She was such a good friend, and it was just one example of the love I was blind to that was all around me in the first place. Debbie, wherever you are…thank you for being there, and I am so sorry, I couldn’t see it at the time.

Fast forward 9 years later, and I see my life as a second chance. I made the choice to go deeper into my spirituality and to see this life as a gift to not take for granted. There is a reason why there is a warning to not kill yourselves in the Quran.


O you who have believed, do not consume one another’s wealth unjustly but only [in lawful] business by mutual consent. And do not kill yourselves [or one another]. Indeed, Allah is to you ever Merciful.

If you are imbalanced emotionally, it is because you allow it. I can say that, cause I have my proof now. Even if someone was raped, sold in slavery, watched their family get killed in front of them, as some people have to endure, we must always take a higher perspective on life. We get stuck in this trap and it is very difficult to get out without some idea about the spiritual side of life. All things good will be accounted for. All things evil and unnatural will also be accounted for. This is why I tell people to go to God, seek Him, seek inside and all around for the spirit of life and love that surrounds us daily if you feel you want to end this life. It isn’t a trite empty wish to people…it is reality. If you get stuck in this matrix of your feelings, you will miss so much around you.

My depression is with me, it is a part of me. But it no longer controls me, I take control of it. When I feel lost, alone, afraid, unloved, I reach for a spiritual uplift, such as the Quran, a spiritual movie, or book, or even blogging to try to help others. Every day is a new opportunity that God gives us. People who actually commit suicide are “myopic”. They are in the very definition “selfish”, and I will explain in a deeper meaning of this word in terms of personal perspective before I get lots of angry looks.

I do not mean someone is selfish in a negative, “annoying” way we find the person who steps in front of us in the Starbucks line. It is not an immature selfish attitude of a 3 year old that a person with suicide feelings  has.  They are not calling out for attention, and disregarding how other people feel. In fact, they may be all too aware of other people. But if we look at the physical definition of selfish, it means “self centered”. In Piaget’s wording, it actually is a stage called “egocentrism”, which by wikii’s definition means:

Egocentrism is the inability to differentiate between self and other. More specifically, it is the inability to untangle subjective schemas from objective reality; an inability to understand or assume any perspective other than their own.[1][2]

One thing I learned in this psych ward was the idea that my feelings may feel real, but they are not reality. Meaning if I think I “feel” unlovable, that is not the reality around me. Nobody else thinks that, and sometimes we have to take a step away from our own mind’s eye and see things through the objective eyes of the universe to really experience life.

I can not tell you for sure where a person who commits suicide goes after this life. My guess is that they realize at the end of their life, that they weren’t done yet growing…physically, mentally, and emotionally. I do not think they are punished, but instead may find a harder journey into bliss because they have not released the ego yet and have still attachments to this physical reality, so much so they think, that this is it. I pray for those souls of teens and others who take their own lives. I hope in some way, they are finding their way back home.

I decided to tell this story, because maybe it will help people understand that we all go through these times, and the trails and obstacles put in place in our lives, are there to make us stronger. Perhaps our soul has to be so strong and unattached to return to God? Who knows, but just know that like Veronika, life and love always give you a second chance if you are willing to let it.

Please be always patient and willing to let God show you the life you were meant to live….


A Gif to Help Define God/Allah.

It isn’t much. But when this gif came across my facebook feed, I felt all my worries, fears and anxiety disappear. It is to me, the single most accurate description visually of God.

Most muslims will say, you can’t define Allah in any way…but I was never one to not try to solve unsolvable mysteries in this life. I see this gif as the perfect descriptive of Allah, visually.

Imagine that the background is completely black and void of stars, but this center source of energy is constantly firing and creating energy and light waves.

A force or energy that creates…then destroys after maximum potential is reached….and then recreates all over again for the sake of love. I would even say that this light is not God/Allah, but it is the force or energy BEYOND this light that expresses itself divinely that is God.

Do you feel it too when looking at this gif? Can you see both creation and destruction?


Happy International Woman’s Day!!

One of the things I am constantly having to fight people about is the idea that women are repressed in the Quran or in Islam. Let me just say, I or any other strong muslim woman would not adhere to such a doctrine if it truly cast women in a lesser light.

The Quran teaches me that women and men are equal in regards to worth and value in God’s eyes. There is one single part that says “woman and men are each other tilts, but men have a degree over woman”, but this is because they are physically stronger and at the time of 600AD when the Quran was being revealed, men were the protectors and financial support system of the women for all nations, not just in Arabia.

Only occasionally did you meet smart, independent women who did not rely on their body to get by. Women had it very tough back then, they were married off at young ages by their family, sold as sex and maternity slaves, and even had to sell their own body to earn their bread pre-Islam Arabia. The Quran actually is the only religious text I see that really starts putting the foot down for women in particular understanding the sensitive nature of gender inequality that men have always shown towards woman, from a lower consciousness of understanding.


O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness.

You can not sell women as slaves or marry them by force in Islam. You may not use orphaned or young girls unjustly. You must be kind and treat them right as long as the women are not murderous towards you. In which then criminally insane women need to be tried and found out if guilty or not by witness party, under the warnings of God not to lie about a woman. The Quran also makes laws to take care of widowed or divorced women too, so a man can not use a woman and then send her out to be a beggar on the street as she ages. There are rules and laws to protect women from some men’s desires and greediness, and under the fear of God’s wrath, men are made to obey them.  You may not take or confiscate woman’s property that was left for her just because she is a woman, as you can see in example here:


For men is a share of what the parents and close relatives leave, and for women is a share of what the parents and close relatives leave, be it little or much – an obligatory share.

Mary was regarded as a precious woman in God’s eyes, and here is the verse that shows how women are favored as bringers of life into the world of prophets:


And [mention] when the angels said, “O Mary, indeed Allah has chosen you and purified you and chosen you above the women of the worlds.

The Quran truly spoke to me as a strong woman today.

Many people want to believe the Hadiths that were written by men of what Muhammad did with young girls, and as a Muslim I know in my heart the Hadiths were warned about because they are taking the words from outside of the Quran and taken in as truth by so many muslims today. But the Hadiths are interpretations of what Muhammad did and said by other men who divided Islam into different sections, and as we know by now, the Quran says “Say:…” and THAT is what I believe Muhammad to have done and said to the people.

Muhammad was instilled with the value of women by Archangel Gabriel and I believed he carried that message out as far as he could, until he died. Some wonderful Muslim men have followed this path and have treated women with so much respect and care all over the world, I know, I am marrying one soon this year! He is the most caring, protective and supportive man I have ever met, and I am so lucky to have been brought into Islam after meeting him, on my own spiritual journey to discover the truth.

What other men may do today in their own culture and traditions, against women are not something that goes unseen or unnoticed by the angels and God.  All truth will be revealed in the end of their lives. Sex trade rings, women abuse, women force and rape against them, female genital mutilation surgeries, child brides, unequal pay and rights all these things and more will be brought to the surface, in society. It already has and will continue to be purged with the truth from God.

Many men forget that Eve and Adam were once one single soul before the divide. While we wait for many men to realize their mistakes in their own lifetimes and our oneness, we women must always stand together as spiritual sisters.

Here is a fascinating look at how International Woman’s Day begun on March 8, the day I was born into ;)…


The Movie Risen: A Muslim’s Perspective.

Just came back from Risen, and I am a little out of it, it was beautifully done in my eyes, and I feel a bit spiritually “high” I guess you can say. I am not sure how it did in the box offices in terms of money, but there were only 10 people in the theater…sad times indeed, when so many need to hear the message.

I liked this movie, I saw the unity in the idea that Yes, Jesus was a product of divine manifestation to teach important messages and ways of salvation to the people. They showed him in an interesting light. Jesus never asked to be worshiped, but only told his followers to worship God above. One particular scene was when Jesus was sitting on a rock gazing at the stars, and told Clavius the Roman, to get to know Him in order to reach peace…the power that created the Universe they were both staring up at.

I want to do more research on this, but the movie showed Jesus literally popping in and out of dimension and then at the end gone in a flash of light, which looked as if he entered a portal of some sort…

It really makes you think, was Jesus an advanced being from another reality or dimension able to visit us, and become our Mercy from God?

I don’t know the answer, but because of my faith in his existence and historical significance, I can sleep easy tonight knowing there is indeed a loving power guiding us always.

I recommend it.


Chicago’s Corruption: We Are Judged By The Way We Use Money

I just finished watching No Escape, with Owen Wilson and it was a terrifying look at how sudden violence erupting in a foreign land can leave you all alone struggling for survival. While some people were upset about this movie, showing Thailand as full of violent people, I saw it more about the corrupt ways leaders deal business.  The whole premise is that the farmers and villagers who lost their land staged a coup to get rid of the corrupt government who is working with British water and power companies. It is a long tangled web, but supposedly, this goes on all the time in the world.

One country has more money and exploits a country with less to make more money, and then takes their property over when they are in debt. Sick.

Well, it turns out it can happen on a larger scale too, where an entire state of officials exploit their people for more money by raising taxes without giving the services they promised in the first place.

I sadly live in one of these most corrupted states-Chicago, according to this very interesting website:

I noticed that our recyclables has not been picked up in 2 weeks now, schools have no budget for supplies, and somehow our taxes keep raising for broken down streets and land property that doesn’t get fixed unless it is for a new construction project. Don’t even get me started on the pot holes in the streets. Once a foreign Uber driver from Algeria said to me that Chicago has the worst streets to drive on in the world!

Being a Muslim in Chicago, is like I am bracing for the storm of the wrath of God that is coming based on the Quran warnings. I really wish I was not born here, because it is so hard to leave once your roots and family is here, but my goal is to get out of this state as soon as I can and start a family somewhere less connected to the mob.

I can’t stand the corruption any longer, and I feel it in taxes, and in less services that Chicago provides its hard working people. As I reflect on the way that officials have deserted its people, and spent money on casinos and other unnecessary projects, I see the verses of the Quran glowing in my mind.

One of the thing that the Quran pushes is the idea that charitable good deeds is needed by leaders of the people. The verses express how you need to take care of the poor, and the people under your responsibility. Even though Muhammad, was not a king, he was placed in charge of establishing a society built on more of a social structure of taking care of the most needy and children, in society. In Chicago, the people in charge take care of themselves and their connections, meanwhile the people suffer and the politicians and city leaders’ corruption deepens in their souls. Let’s not forget about CPS-the Chicago School Systems that send our teachers on strike almost every year and close down schools, while children suffer, cause the state doesn’t want to spend money on education and the welfare of its people.

Quran 2:110

And establish prayer and give zakah (charity), and whatever good you put forward for yourselves – you will find it with Allah. Indeed, Allah of what you do, is Seeing.

I ask that these 10 corrupt states start to think about the people that were entrusted in their care by God, and how this will reflect on their own consciousness. If we clean up the corruption at the top, there will be less anger, bloodshed, and violence on the bottom.